Health Warning...

Was stupid enough to inhale through the mouth this morning whilst eating half a Weetbix. Almost had to call in sick...

Taking over the world...

So much to blog from the massive weekend just gone. Just when you thought you had enough material for a lifetime, you get presented with this morning's newspaper. RPS a game of chance? I don't think so. A bit rough for the guy not to give credit to the Bellini Theory (2006). Once again on the weekend, Coombes went down at RPS (now 5 and 0). Video to be posted very shortly.

Pursuit of Perfection...

Part of my morning ritual is a bowl of Weetbix with a banana. I used to eat 3, but discovered that only a mouse would eat 3 (Johnson 2006), so I have since added one more to the tally. The hair on my chest is already starting to sprout.

Anyway....I think I may have discovered the technique to eating the perfect bowl of Weetbix. Two is easy, three easy enough, but four is a logistical nightmare. The key is to sit your 4 Weetbix on a bed of bananas. The milk must then be poured down the side of the bowl rather than over the Weetbix. If you fail and pour milk over even one, its gooooooodnight. As studies have shown, Weetbix has no saturation point (Coombe 2006). You might as well eat a waterlogged piece of cardboard.

So if you manage to get past the first hurdle, you then need to 'baste' Weetbix 1 (W1) with enough milk for the first - and best - mouthful. The key here is to keep those other Weetabix nicely balanced on their assigned banana piece(s). From here you can continue to use the 'Baste' method, or once you come close to finishing W1, you can then opt to gently 'Push and Eat' method by pushing W2 into the pool of milk hence exposing it to the perfect amount of soaking time. Be careful not to 'push' too early or W2 will suck up the milk like a tampon in the red sea.

So back to this morning, I was down to the last half of W4 with perfect banana-Weetbix-mouthful ratio and then pushed it into the remaining milk, and just like that the milk disappeared into the blackhole that they call Weetbix. Not a single drop to wash down the remnants in my throat of W4. So f%^ing close and yet so far, my whole breakfast ruined by this one slip in judgement.

Coombes is right...

In hindsight, it does seem that the content of my blog does tend to focus on RPS and poo (in no particular order). I racked my brains for material yesterday, even walking to the shops in an attempt to cross paths with a bee.

And so I come to today's entry which coincidentally once again revolves around my life's preoccupations. It took me 3 flushes to drown the monster in the toilet lastnight. Surely that's some sort of record?

The other 40% of the time...

Here is the moment Coombes went down for the 3rd consecutive time in RPS history. Studies have shown that Rock is the best option (Bellini 2006) accounting for 60% of victories. In this series however, in the two previous rounds both players had presented Rocks, thus resulting in stalemates. Thus according to the RPS Bellini Theory (2006), once all hands have been played it comes down to not who is the smartest, but who is the laziest player. Lazy not in the usual everyday terms, but 'lazy' in terms of the neural pathways of the medula oblongata. In this particular case, Bellini's theory was proven correct once again. Both players had used Rocks in the previous hands, both cancelling each other out. But in neurolistically speaking terms, one of the players would have 'tired' from using the Rock too many times. Hence Coombes pulled the Paper and Juls the Scissors and the lazier option of the Paper lost. The results are inconclusive....

Hang up the boots...

This is the moment when Coombes realised he will be modelling the latest Primark G String. 0 and 3 is not the best of records for a game of 'chance'. You can see the disgust in his face. When will he ever learn. Rock is the key. It's pure science. Dr Bellini, explain why...

Another one...

I admit this week there seems to be a bit of a running theme, but this event was too good to not blog. I was sitting on the toilet yesterday morning, finished my business and went to wipe my ass. Alas, the tissue came up white. A clean break. Yesssssssssssssss

Today...

My farts really stink. I might have problems...